What came of my Sorrow

Anyone been keeping up with the news in Kenya knows that the waki report on the events of January have been published on www.dialoguekenya.org. For those who don’t know me well know I deal with crisis in my own way. Typically while its all going down I remain in the moment and let the emotions catch up later. Yes I know there are exceptions to that but mostly my brain takes over in times of crisis…so during the events of late December and early January I did what I thought best, remained optimistic, and cerebral. January passed as an intellectual exercise on the woes facing a developing country such as Kenya. Waki report opened the emotions that were pent up over the months, and I was struck with great sadness. The only time I have felt anything similar is when I lost my Grandmother. I was mortified by the spirit of the violence in the Rift Valley. This wasn’t just a reaction to the election but acts of hate and retaliation. Elsewhere you got the sense of election anger, in the rift you got the impression from both sides that people finally had an opportunity to do what they sought to do for ages. Now issues of “historical injustice” and protecting their own have been touted as explanations, but that’s not adequate looking at our history holistically and is not the reason why I write today. I write because Kenya is a land where when a business fails a church is put in its place. Kenya is a place where there’s a high so called moral bar, but for all our religion and thou-shalt-nots when push comes to shove we’re murderers and rapists. My great sadness and anger is that our hypocrisy is not the kind of a man who falls and gets up but still strives for the ideal; our hypocrisy is that of the wolf in sheep’s clothing. Faced with this realization I’m left with the choice of bitterness and anger, or taking some action. I’m categorically against one-man crusades, and I’m just not the bitter angry type. My thoughts are divergent from radical rhetoric. I still believe in Africa the idea, the continent, the hope…but I’ve lost my pride as a Kenyan. I viewed my “Kenyaness” furthermore my ethnicity as a sweet gift from God, but now I struggle to see the beauty and the magnificence of it all, I need to recapture it. Talking with my father about things he often harks back to a time where citizenship was part of the Kenyan identity. The second definition of citizenship is “the character of an individual viewed as a member of society; behavior in terms of the duties, obligations, and functions of a citizen.” I believe the time to look at the rights we have as Kenyans has passed and the time to look at our duties has arrived. Was it not said in a perfect New England Accent “ask not what your country can do for you…?” During the elections millions yelled “haki yetu” (our rights), I challenge we change the tune to “faradhi yetu!” (Our obligation) Our government is poor and there are many in need, we who can need to step up. We need to stop back-benching with grandiose suggestion and do the little we can to take our country forward. I am the worst offender I speak often and loudly of what is needed to change the country and follow it up by getting in to an overloaded matatu. Ultimately I brood with the feeling that all when Kenya fell it was not Kenya that let me down…it was I who let my country down. I’ll begin my road to redemption by collecting trash along the road on Saturday…